Read Part 1 first
Arguing can stem from many roots to your own habitual patterns…one being having to be perpetually right all the time and coming out as the final winner. If you want to be right just to be right, you’re going to create problems and pain in your marriage so pick and choose your battles wisely, or you’ll find yourself permanently on the battlefield. And if something is really bothering you, ask yourself how important it really is. Are there rational reasons why it’s so crucial?
If you know you must hash out an issue, bring it up as soon as possible to avoid built-up resentment. And learn how to fight fairly. Arguing to solve an issue isn’t necessarily the bad habit, as differences are bound to surface at any given moment, but the way you settle those differences can be destructive. If you wonder why you’re unsuccessful in solving your problems, it could be because you’re not going about it with good intentions. If and when you have a disagreement, once again, don’t try to be right…focus instead on trying to solve the problem and consider your partner’s point of view. Don’t ever use power struggle tactics like guilt, threats, and emotional blackmail. Get it through it together as peaceful warriors…calm, yet assertive.
Are you criticizing and nagging endlessly? You might think you’re offering gentle reminders or simply being justifiably critical as you fault-find your way to your ideal of perfection, but the more you nag, the more he’ll tune you out. And that just makes you angrier. On the opposing side of the spectrum, by allowing oneself to be subject to constant criticism from a spouse, your well-being and confidence will suffer. Once again, stop sweating the small stuff and losing sight of what’s truly important…in life…and in love.
Continue reading …. Part 3
Photo credit to Ed Yourdon on Flickr.