Arguing can stem from many roots to your own habitual patterns…one being having to be perpetually right all the time and coming out as the final winner. If you want to be right just to be right, you’re going to create problems and pain in your marriage so pick and choose your battles wisely, or you’ll find yourself permanently on the battlefield. And if something is really bothering you, ask yourself how important it really is. Are there rational reasons why it’s so crucial?
If you know you must hash out an issue, bring it up as soon as possible to avoid built-up resentment. And learn how to fight fairly. Arguing to solve an issue isn’t necessarily the bad habit, as differences are bound to surface at any given moment, but the way you settle those differences can be destructive. If you wonder why you’re unsuccessful in solving your problems, it could be because you’re not going about it with good intentions. If and when you have a disagreement, once again, don’t try to be right…focus instead on trying to solve the problem and consider your partner’s point of view. Don’t ever use power struggle tactics like guilt, threats, and emotional blackmail. Get it through it together as peaceful warriors…calm, yet assertive.
Are you criticizing and nagging endlessly? You might think you’re offering gentle reminders or simply being justifiably critical as you fault-find your way toyour ideal of perfection, but the more you nag, the more he’ll tune you out. And that just makes you angrier. On the opposing side of the spectrum, by allowing oneself to be subject to constant criticism from a spouse, your well-being and confidence will suffer. Once again, stop sweating the small stuff and losing sight of what’s truly important…in life…and in love.
Continue reading …. Part 3
https://aleanasbridal.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/07/allison.jpg6821024Svetlana Zakharinahttps://aleanasbridal.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/logo-300x138.pngSvetlana Zakharina2013-11-08 15:47:412020-08-01 15:26:31How to Sabotage your Marriage… …Before it Begins (Part 2)
Once upon a time…and that was all. Most people usually don’t get married planning to divorce soon after, but much research suggests so much of what people do before they wed sadly leads them to the destructive place of divorce.
How to avoid a miserable marriage before it begins? Gee, what an uplifting topic huh?! But it sure is realistic, and can happen to you if you don’t think things through and integrate the right attitude adjustments and mental/emotional shifts into your days leading up to your BIG one.
The timeframe before the wedding can be a crucial turning point, as the whole wedding planning process can be rather stressful. Part of the reason might be that, as a culture, women are often more captivated and infatuated with the wedding than the actual marriage! So this means an excess amount of energy, time, and resources get poured into a wedding, ensuring the best possible outcome for a Wedding Day. Get with the program ladies…a magical day is something we all dream of…but let’s not overdo anything or overcompensate for something we’re not receiving in the relationship itself perhaps? A magical relationship over an over-the-top wedding is much more preferable and soulful.
Instead of revving up your bank account and drowning resources out just to make funds for your elaborate wedding expenses, really think about what is most important and what you can do without. You don’t want money problems resulting from an extravagant wedding to be the reason you‘re relationship is failing…and the resulting woes that come from it all can make a marriage miserable (especially if you’re one of those couples that places such value on finances and/or known to rack up credit card expenses!). This can probably be the most disgraceful way to end a relationship based on these causes. Know who you are, who you are marrying, and find a balance in between to avoid debt…and more importantly, disappointments.
Sweating the small stuff? So he forgot to fix the broken faucet while you were at your bridal gown consultation….Big deal?! It doesn’t mean anything more than what it does at face value…he forgot. Cut him some slack. Step back from your stressed out, overwhelmed state and think of the important things in life…love being # 1. Do you really want to pick a fight over something so trivial…and not to mention, so mundane?
Continue reading …… Part 2 and Part 3
Aleana’s Bridal, Paramus, NJ
https://aleanasbridal.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/07/honor.jpg5761024Svetlana Zakharinahttps://aleanasbridal.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/logo-300x138.pngSvetlana Zakharina2013-11-08 15:42:382020-08-01 15:27:28How to Sabotage your Marriage… …Before it Begins (Part 1)
Brides-to-be can have an unavoidable habit of playing the victim…the damsel in distress in-waiting for her dream day to come true. An “All-About-Me” attitude can erupt, as you feel like the world revolves you for the time being. Playing the victim is a control mechanism, and you use it when it suits you best…and may I add, what better timing to use this opportunity of becoming “the bride” to play this role? You may be at a high-sensitivity and emotional peak, so pointing the finger at someone else is easier and makes you feel better about yourself. But never being at fault just because you’re the bride-to-be can be tiresome to a fiancé who necessarily isn’t always to blame either. Fess up to your role in the problems you’re facing, apologize and make the necessary changes when appropriate. It’s difficult for anybody to take responsibility for bad behavior, but once you give up the victim mentality, you’ll find yourself less stressed, angry and resentful…and your soon-to-be husband will be happier, too.
Forgetting the smaller gestures can be a big problem. Those everyday signs of affection are what keep intimacy and romance alive, yet many couples fail to remember to do them, especially in days leading up to wedding as you’re stressed and consumed with the planning. No matter how big or small, spread as much sweetness around as possible.
Sooo….forget sweating the small stuff, and remember to spread the small stuff that matters!
And before you become a heartbroken bride-to-be, make sure not to make any of the mistakes mentioned above. And the biggest one of all? CLOSED COMMUNICATION! Keep the lines of communicating clearly to each other WIDE OPEN…in an honest, non-judgmental space.
You want to communicate as a couple and make sure any unrealistic expectations are kept at bay to a restored balance and healthy dose of dreams, hopes, and aspirations. We’re all human, imperfections and flaws and all that jazz. The key lies in working through the inevitable hardships that you’ll encounter as a couple. It’s in the continual sacrificing, listening and loving, that husbands and wives become soul mates on a more evolved, elevated level of existence.
Oh, of course,…and if he sees you in your wedding dress, your doomed.
Aleana’s Bridal, Paramus, NJ
https://aleanasbridal.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/07/allison1.jpg6821024Svetlana Zakharinahttps://aleanasbridal.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/logo-300x138.pngSvetlana Zakharina2013-11-08 15:36:382020-08-01 15:28:11How to Sabotage your Marriage… …Before it Begins (Part 3)
How to Sabotage your Marriage… …Before it Begins (Part 2)
/in Articles /by Svetlana ZakharinaRead Part 1 first
Arguing can stem from many roots to your own habitual patterns…one being having to be perpetually right all the time and coming out as the final winner. If you want to be right just to be right, you’re going to create problems and pain in your marriage so pick and choose your battles wisely, or you’ll find yourself permanently on the battlefield. And if something is really bothering you, ask yourself how important it really is. Are there rational reasons why it’s so crucial?
If you know you must hash out an issue, bring it up as soon as possible to avoid built-up resentment. And learn how to fight fairly. Arguing to solve an issue isn’t necessarily the bad habit, as differences are bound to surface at any given moment, but the way you settle those differences can be destructive. If you wonder why you’re unsuccessful in solving your problems, it could be because you’re not going about it with good intentions. If and when you have a disagreement, once again, don’t try to be right…focus instead on trying to solve the problem and consider your partner’s point of view. Don’t ever use power struggle tactics like guilt, threats, and emotional blackmail. Get it through it together as peaceful warriors…calm, yet assertive.
Are you criticizing and nagging endlessly? You might think you’re offering gentle reminders or simply being justifiably critical as you fault-find your way to your ideal of perfection, but the more you nag, the more he’ll tune you out. And that just makes you angrier. On the opposing side of the spectrum, by allowing oneself to be subject to constant criticism from a spouse, your well-being and confidence will suffer. Once again, stop sweating the small stuff and losing sight of what’s truly important…in life…and in love.
Continue reading …. Part 3
How to Sabotage your Marriage… …Before it Begins (Part 1)
/in Articles /by Svetlana ZakharinaBy Jaclyn Ianetti
Once upon a time…and that was all. Most people usually don’t get married planning to divorce soon after, but much research suggests so much of what people do before they wed sadly leads them to the destructive place of divorce.
How to avoid a miserable marriage before it begins? Gee, what an uplifting topic huh?! But it sure is realistic, and can happen to you if you don’t think things through and integrate the right attitude adjustments and mental/emotional shifts into your days leading up to your BIG one.
The timeframe before the wedding can be a crucial turning point, as the whole wedding planning process can be rather stressful. Part of the reason might be that, as a culture, women are often more captivated and infatuated with the wedding than the actual marriage! So this means an excess amount of energy, time, and resources get poured into a wedding, ensuring the best possible outcome for a Wedding Day. Get with the program ladies…a magical day is something we all dream of…but let’s not overdo anything or overcompensate for something we’re not receiving in the relationship itself perhaps? A magical relationship over an over-the-top wedding is much more preferable and soulful.
Instead of revving up your bank account and drowning resources out just to make funds for your elaborate wedding expenses, really think about what is most important and what you can do without. You don’t want money problems resulting from an extravagant wedding to be the reason you‘re relationship is failing…and the resulting woes that come from it all can make a marriage miserable (especially if you’re one of those couples that places such value on finances and/or known to rack up credit card expenses!). This can probably be the most disgraceful way to end a relationship based on these causes. Know who you are, who you are marrying, and find a balance in between to avoid debt…and more importantly, disappointments.
Sweating the small stuff? So he forgot to fix the broken faucet while you were at your bridal gown consultation….Big deal?! It doesn’t mean anything more than what it does at face value…he forgot. Cut him some slack. Step back from your stressed out, overwhelmed state and think of the important things in life…love being # 1. Do you really want to pick a fight over something so trivial…and not to mention, so mundane?
Continue reading …… Part 2 and Part 3
Aleana’s Bridal, Paramus, NJ
How to Sabotage your Marriage… …Before it Begins (Part 3)
/in Articles /by Svetlana ZakharinaRead Part 1 and Part 2 first
Brides-to-be can have an unavoidable habit of playing the victim…the damsel in distress in-waiting for her dream day to come true. An “All-About-Me” attitude can erupt, as you feel like the world revolves you for the time being. Playing the victim is a control mechanism, and you use it when it suits you best…and may I add, what better timing to use this opportunity of becoming “the bride” to play this role? You may be at a high-sensitivity and emotional peak, so pointing the finger at someone else is easier and makes you feel better about yourself. But never being at fault just because you’re the bride-to-be can be tiresome to a fiancé who necessarily isn’t always to blame either. Fess up to your role in the problems you’re facing, apologize and make the necessary changes when appropriate. It’s difficult for anybody to take responsibility for bad behavior, but once you give up the victim mentality, you’ll find yourself less stressed, angry and resentful…and your soon-to-be husband will be happier, too.
Forgetting the smaller gestures can be a big problem. Those everyday signs of affection are what keep intimacy and romance alive, yet many couples fail to remember to do them, especially in days leading up to wedding as you’re stressed and consumed with the planning. No matter how big or small, spread as much sweetness around as possible.
Sooo….forget sweating the small stuff, and remember to spread the small stuff that matters!
And before you become a heartbroken bride-to-be, make sure not to make any of the mistakes mentioned above. And the biggest one of all? CLOSED COMMUNICATION! Keep the lines of communicating clearly to each other WIDE OPEN…in an honest, non-judgmental space.
You want to communicate as a couple and make sure any unrealistic expectations are kept at bay to a restored balance and healthy dose of dreams, hopes, and aspirations. We’re all human, imperfections and flaws and all that jazz. The key lies in working through the inevitable hardships that you’ll encounter as a couple. It’s in the continual sacrificing, listening and loving, that husbands and wives become soul mates on a more evolved, elevated level of existence.
Oh, of course,…and if he sees you in your wedding dress, your doomed.
Aleana’s Bridal, Paramus, NJ